Annual Keep The Wife Happy Clearance Sale

[Steve Simmons]

Here's your chance for some incredible deals on stuff you don't need! Spare me from eBay, please.

Three cans of brand new paint
2 x Rustoleum Safety Red
1 x Duplicolor Hi-temp Ceramic Engine Enamel - Ford Red
Price: Half of whatever it normally costs



Compact 4-Blade Electric Fan
Measures 13.5" across, not including mounting tabs
Price: A bottle of root beer



Digital Tire Gauge
New in box with adapter and instructions, in case you can't figure out the on/off switch
Price: A bottle of root beer



Snap-On Grand Master Automotive Lockout Kit (yes, that's what it's called!)
Used only twice, complete with instructions to break into just about any car (for legal purposes only). Bought in the late 90's. I was caught while on my first "job" and spent time in the big house, so I'm afraid to use it again. (joking of course)
Price: SOLD!







Non-automotive stuff:

Denon AVR-1803 6.1 Surround Audio / Video Receiver
Price: SOLD!






Linksys 4-port Router
Basically brand new, used for maybe a week and then stored on a shelf for a couple years. I'll throw in some network cables.
Price: $10



Zip-100 External / Portable Zip Drive (Parallel interface)
Perfect condition, hardly used. No click of death.
Price: Two bottles of root beer



Grab Bag of Computer Parts
What you see is what you get! Noteworthy items include GeForce video card (needs fan), Creative Labs Soundblaster sound cards, Netgear PCI network cards, Video capture device (Snappy), optical mouse (don't know if it works), Compact Flash card reader (USB), gaming joystick, two brand new Intel heat sinks with fans, assorted cooling fans, Promise IDE controllers, External 56K modem, VGA cables, power cables, audio cables, misc, adapters, 5.25-3.5" mounting adapters and more.
Price: SOLD!











More items added below...

[Jimmy]

I'd be interested in The Grand Master Automotive Lockout Kit, but I'm afraid I couldn't afford it.
Not so much the asking price (which obviously could be haggled down a bit) but the root beer.
I know of a Vons and a Ralphs in Agoura, neither of which is likely to carry the designer brands you guys discuss.
To drive into the Valley in search of exotic root beer is something my parole officer most certainly would object to.
So, I'm screwed. Again.

[Steve Simmons]

IBC is accepted at this establishment.

[Jimmy]

Producing an Incredibly Bad Check won't be a problem.
When can you deliver?

[Steve Simmons]

Uh, I'll have to get back to you on that one...

[gorms68]

Steve I'll take the Denon unit. Jill and I were just talking about replacing ours. How much root beer does that work out to?

[Steve Simmons]

Hmmm... I just happen to be going to your house tonight...

[gorms68]

We can get it another night if it doesn't fit in your LBC

[Steve Simmons]

As you saw, it didn't exactly "fit" but we got it there anyway. The Denon AVR is now sold and I have a new root beer to try in my kitchen.

[Jimmy]

Uh, I'll have to get back to you on that one...

I believe you said "I'm up there all the time" at one point...well, so am I, for the most part.
The reason I'm so eager to get that Grand Auto Lockout Kit is that I have locked myself out of my beater MGB, and with the marine layer coming in almost every night, I'd really like to get into the car so that I can put the top up.
As an added delivery bonus, you just might get to see me pull the tranny out, again.
Unless you'd rather wax my car meanwhile.

[Steve Simmons]

More non-car stuff. What the heck, it's best to list here first than deal with eBay. Besides, eBay doesn't let me bargain for root beer.

Pronto Pro TSU-6000 Touchscreen Programmable Remote Control
I bought this remote a few years ago and shortly afterward decided I don't like touch screen remotes. I put it back in the audio cabinet and forgot about it until recently. It is complete, with all accessories, software and cables, including the data cable which is often missing and impossible to find. Everything is housed in the original box and protective wrappings. Batteries are good. There are no scratches or blemishes whatsoever on the screen. The housing shows very light shelf wear. It's a great remote in nearly new condition, but I just prefer buttons. Retail on this remote is currently $700.
Price: $140 ($2 discount if you bring a bottle of root beer)









Linksys Wireless-G Range Expander
New in open box, set up once before realizing I didn't need it.
Price: $40 (paid $100)



Hauppaggue Win-TV PCI Card
Watch TV on your computer! I don't know what the deal with analog vs digital will be but for the price, you figure it out yourself.
Price: SOLD!



Sony Portable 4" LCD Television
Has video inputs also. Antennae connection may be loose. No idea of the condition of the batteries. No idea about the digital versus analog thing.
Price: SOLD!



X-10 4-Camera Surveillance Kit with Motion Sensing and Remote Control Software
Includes four wireless cameras, four motion sensors, quad-split software, video receiver, three different video capture devices (the Win TV card listed above works great with this kit), several remote control options, various X-10 controllers, X-10 power supplies, all cables and documentation, etc.
Price: SOLD!

[Jimmy]

Okay, enough with the Radio Shack stuff already.
I have been begging you to sell me the incredible Waxmaster 9000, and the questionable Grand Auto Lockout Kit, yet you ignore my sincere offers.
Must I sue for discrimination here? Hmmph.

[Steve Simmons]

No problem, they are yours for the taking and I'll even allow Barq's root beer. But I'm not waxing your car!

[Jimmy]

Ah, yes, the root beer dilemma.
How about if I give you a 30-pack of Tecate (with the reciept) and you can trade it for root beer of your choice - at Ralphs, anyway?

[Steve Simmons]

I'll take the 30-pack of Tecate but not in lieu of the cash price. As with all my sales, there is a two dollar discount if I am presented with a root beer, but limit one discount per purchase! Root beet discrimination policy applies to all sales.

[Jimmy]

Sounds as if we're getting close to an actual agreement.
As soon as I see the mailman go by, I'll go down to the mailboxes and look for a suitable check to wash. Do you have a preference as far as banks go?

[Jimmy]

So, today I took an unprecendented step in my life.
I dressed up very nicely, got in my newest, cushiest car - the first and only one I've ever owned which has cup holders - proceeded down the hill and...WALKED DOWN THE AISLE!
Yes, it was quite a big step for me, and those who know me probably doesn't believe it happened.

Anyway, I did eventually find root beer in an area of the store I'd never before set foot, so now I have 36 of them just waiting for you, Steve. At $2 a pop in bargaining power, I just couldn't resist.
Now it's up to you, Steve.

[Steve Simmons]

Dear customer, please re-read our sales policies as outlined in the previous post.

[Jimmy]

If you want to make this ugly, Steve, I should point out that I have access to free legal representation.

[gorms68]

Steve,
Chandler has two cold bottles of root beer for you if the little TV is still available.

[Martin Keller]

Hi Steve,

If the X-10 4-Camera Surveillance Kit with Motion Sensing and Remote Control Software is still avaiable I will take it.
Also if the Hauppaggue Win-TV PCI Card is also avaiable I will also take it.
Let me know.

[Steve Simmons]

Chris, if I can fit the TV into the TC, I'll bring it to you up north.

Martin, they're yours. I modified a couple of the motion sensors to run off AC instead of batteries, but they can be changed back if desired. Power supplies are included to run them off AC.

Jimmy, can you hook me up with a good defense lawyer in the event you sue me?

[Jimmy]

Jimmy, can you hook me up with a good defense lawyer in the event you sue me?

If you didn't spend so much on designer root beer, the team that saved O.J.'s butt would've been within reach, and appropriate.

[Jimmy]

Ooops! It's now your turn to sue me, Steve.
I looked up the prices and realize that I owe you a few bucks, still.
Oh, well, let's worry about it when you get back.
Have a fun trip!

[Steve Simmons]

Nah, you got the multiple purchase discount, plus the effort discount of actually lugging 36 root beers to my house.